So you just moved to a new place. There are so many wonderful opportunities to meet new people and make new friends, right? Of course it is. But how do you know if the people that you’re quickly becoming friends with aren’t actually crazy axe murderers? There are so many strange people out there after all. Well, thankfully that’s what the internet is for. Here’s a quick and dirty guide to making sure that the people that you’re surrounding yourself with are for sure not psycho killers!
They Work as a Butler
Butlers are people too, after all. Spending the entire day cleaning up messes that aren’t yours and calling everyone “sir” or “madam” is bound to make even the most reasonable person snap. No one likes mopping, but crazy murderers like mopping up blood!
It’s also common knowledge that “the butler did it”. Be extra careful around people that enjoy wearing well fitted tuxedos and carry a towel draped over one arm. You never know, he could be draping your cold, lifeless body over that same arm in a few days. This is the only occupation that you really have to keep an eye on. This is especially true if they fit into any of these other categories.
They enjoy dark, stormy nights
Most people think that bad weather is lowers the murder rate because who really wants to be outside when it’s raining? Really the only people that are going to be out during dark and stormy nights are murderers.
Keep in mind that most of this data comes from horror movies that have some kind of dark or stormy night, which is all of them. So the next time your friend invites you to a secluded location in the woods during one of those stormy nights it’s best to come up with an excuse.
The joke about getting away with things
Everyone has joked about something that they later regret. But more often than not, these bad jokes can be a glimpse into the soul of the person telling them. If your friend often jokes around about breaking the law, stealing things or killing people, then there’s a pretty high chance that they’re going to go through with it one of these days.
They take forever to change light bulbs
When they eventually invite you to their house you’ll most likely notice that some of the lights seem a bit faulty. A good horror movie wouldn’t be complete without the lights working when they are needed the most. Your friend’s house is no excuse. If you notice that there are lights that don’t work then it’s always a good practice to just start running away as fast as you can.
I hope that you found this list helpful but more than that, I hope that no one you know is exhibiting any combination of the signs that are listed above. In the unfortunate event that someone you know is showing these signs I suggest that you sever all contact with the immediately and consider turning them into the police.
Erika Henrike spends way too much time watching, reading, and thinking about horror stories. She can’t wait until her nephews are old enough to share the experience with her.
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