Signs that the people around you might be killers…

Scarydad February 17, 2014 No Comments

So you just moved to a new place. There are so many wonderful opportunities to meet new people and make new friends, right? Of course it is. But how do you know if the people that you’re quickly becoming friends with aren’t actually crazy axe murderers? There are so many strange people out there after all. Well, thankfully that’s what the internet is for. Here’s a quick and dirty guide to making sure that the people that you’re surrounding yourself with are for sure not psycho killers!

They Work as a Butler

Butlers are people too, after all. Spending the entire day cleaning up messes that aren’t yours and calling everyone “sir” or “madam” is bound to make even the most reasonable person snap. No one likes mopping, but crazy murderers like mopping up blood!

It’s also common knowledge that “the butler did it”. Be extra careful around people that enjoy wearing well fitted tuxedos and carry a towel draped over one arm. You never know, he could be draping your cold, lifeless body over that same arm in a few days. This is the only occupation that you really have to keep an eye on. This is especially true if they fit into any of these other categories.

They enjoy dark, stormy nights

Most people think that bad weather is lowers the murder rate because who really wants to be outside when it’s raining? Really the only people that are going to be out during dark and stormy nights are murderers.

Keep in mind that most of this data comes from horror movies that have some kind of dark or stormy night, which is all of them. So the next time your friend invites you to a secluded location in the woods during one of those stormy nights it’s best to come up with an excuse.

The joke about getting away with things

Everyone has joked about something that they later regret. But more often than not, these bad jokes can be a glimpse into the soul of the person telling them. If your friend often jokes around about breaking the law, stealing things or killing people, then there’s a pretty high chance that they’re going to go through with it one of these days.

They take forever to change light bulbs

When they eventually invite you to their house you’ll most likely notice that some of the lights seem a bit faulty. A good horror movie wouldn’t be complete without the lights working when they are needed the most. Your friend’s house is no excuse. If you notice that there are lights that don’t work then it’s always a good practice to just start running away as fast as you can.

I hope that you found this list helpful but more than that, I hope that no one you know is exhibiting any combination of the signs that are listed above. In the unfortunate event that someone you know is showing these signs I suggest that you sever all contact with the immediately and consider turning them into the police.

Erika Henrike spends way too much time watching, reading, and thinking about horror stories. She can’t wait until her nephews are old enough to share the experience with her.

Voodoo Curse

Scarydad February 11, 2014 No Comments

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Hello there yon’ Minions. I know it’s been a minute since we spoke. Well, I think someone went out and cast a voodoo curse on me. It seems like every time I turn around something else is broken.

Yesterday I had to get a rental because someone hit my car and I had to put it into the shop. Then my work computer was giving me fits so I was on with IT for an hour or so. Then I went back out to the rental and THE TIRE WAS FLAT. I got it pumped up enough to get it back to the place and they gave me a new car. By that time it was late and so I decided to read a couple emails and call it quits. Oh, that’s a useful document, *print.*

Printer stopped working.

Oh yeah, and the present I ordered for my niece’s birthday arrived 2 days after the party.

Sorry I haven’t written much lately but it’s been one of those weeks.

SD

Scary Movie Night: Red Dawn

Scarydad February 3, 2014 No Comments

movie_10518I was seven years old when Red Dawn came out. At the time I was too young to watch scary movies and wouldn’t have even if I’d been allowed to because my overactive imagination would torture me constantly. For whatever reason, war movies were acceptable and I saw many of them. Delta Force, Rambo, Missing in Action 1 and 2… They were all played in heavy rotation at my house. And I realize that three of the four films I used as examples are Chuck Norris films. Being a kid in the 80’s was awesome.

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Dumb White Husband

Scarydad January 31, 2014 No Comments

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Hello Minions, Let me take a moment and officially welcome myself to the cadre of awesome writers that make up Dumb White Husband. I’ve been contributing articles occasionally over the past year. Recently, Ben revamped and relaunched the site. He gathered several really good writers to submit funny and interesting content, and he invited me to do a regular column too.

Honestly, I feel a little outclassed and very honored to be part of this team.

If you haven’t already visited the site from one of the guest posts I’ve done in the past, check us out today. Later tonight we are hosting Dumb White Husband Movie Night wherein we all sync our Netflix to watch and tweet about the remake of Red Dawn

Tonight we’ll see if the Australian Thor is anywhere near as ‘Murica as our beloved Swayze. My money’s on no.

If everything goes right, my first official feature will appear tomorrow and I’ll make sure to post all the links to various social media points of contact.

Now, kick back and have a beer. It’s FRIDAY!

If you liked this post please consider joining our email list, liking us on Facebook, or following us on Twitter and Pinterest using the various buttons scattered about the site. Also, please let us know how we’re doing by leaving a message in the comments section below.

 

Vintage Clock for the Laboratory

Scarydad January 27, 2014 2 Comments

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Hello Minions. Man, let me tell you that these past few days have not been the best of times. First, someone hit my car and took off, then Sequel got shots and the subsequent grumpy face that goes along with that. Then Bride got sick, then the computer crashed, then Spawn and I got sick. Then it was Monday again. So, how was your week?

I did manage to get one good project done this week and am all the more happy I can share it with you. You see, a few months ago I acquired a vintage Stromberg school clock for free from a guy who was cleaning out his garage. It was a very old electric model.

It worked when I got it and I hung it proudly in the lab over the resurrection bench. It kept time well and I used to gleefully imagine all the poor children who watched that second hand go around so very slowly in endless days of monotony.

Well, then it broke. I’m not sure why, but it stopped working one day. The scary part was that it kept humming and sucking electricity without actually doing anything so I feared it was plotting a fiery something or other for me. I looked into getting it fixed but the one guy who fixes electric clocks in my city lives about an hour away from here in a rather ungood area of town. So I decided to take matter into my own hands.

Before anyone gets upset at the destruction of this piece, I assure you I looked into every avenue to ensure there was no collector or other value before I began my modifications. Three different clock places told me to just throw it away and buy one that was battery-operated.

I did one better…

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My Computer Died Last Night

Scarydad January 23, 2014 No Comments

Last night I went to take a shower to wash off some of the blood and when I came back my computer had gone black screen o’ death. Not a fun evening.

So, I’ve replaced it with new equipment but I’ve only just plugged it in and am getting it set up. I have not transferred data from the old to the new machine.

There is also something wrong with my email. I don’t know what’s going on but when I try to reply to email I get a strange error message. My hosting company has a message up on their site saying they are having technical difficulties too so they may be related.

If you submitted a request for guest postings, I have seen them and I am interested but I cannot respond to you personally. Be patient and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Otherwise you may reach me through one of the many social media sites I use, but until I get my operation back up and running, I don’t know if that would help much.

Thank for your patience,

Scarydad

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Scarydad January 21, 2014 No Comments

This post is sponsored by Grammarly. I use the plagiarism checker at Grammarly.com because the original is always better than the remake. 

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Hello there Minions, tonight we will be discussing The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving. I was inspired to read the adventures of Ichabod Crane and that cranially-challenged Hessian because of recent features by Boys and Ghouls and Autodidact in the Attic on their blogs.

The Headless Horseman has always fascinated me and I’ve been familiar with the story since I was a very small boy. And because if this I had always assumed, somehow, that I had read the original story by Irving. After reading Victoria’s blog post, however, I realized that there was a possibility that I hadn’t. That, instead, I had simply let all the different TV and storybook versions become an amalgam of story that eventually coalesced in my mind.

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