Good evening my beloved Minions! Tonight I present to you some of the weird stuff I find for sale on the internet. I want this stuff and I think you will like it too. So without too much more jibber jabber, here we go.
First on our list of material desires is the Scarecrow Motion Activated Sprinkler. Watch that video up there and you’ll see why. This is the perfect invention for a guy like me; a guy with a healthy disdain for animals destroying his lawn and a total love for startling and surprising unsuspecting creatures. Any time you can combine a good laugh, a good scare, and legitimate functionality into one product, you have a fan in Scarydad.
Next up on the block tonight is this Bleeding Zombie Target. I know it’s pretty wretched to set up a practice target that will actually bleed. I know this. But the more I think about it the more I remember filling up soda cans with water back when I was a kid so that when I shot them with my pellet gun they both pitched backwards and splattered water everywhere. In my head I was slaughtering Nazis. And these guys actually have a Nazi zombie bleeding target too. So I guess that makes me pretty wretched. But I’ve never claimed to be otherwise.
Next up is The Ocean at the End of the Lane, the forthcoming novel by my favorite author, Neil Gaiman. This is actually not available yet so it makes the want even worse. Not long now though. I might go read The Sandman again just to get a fix before this one lands on shelves.
A few years ago I wandered around Melrose wearing a Masters of the Universe shirt. Bride thought I would get made fun of but I didn’t care- I like the things I like and I’ve certainly never cared about impressing any Californians. But a funny thing happened: Everywhere we went people were gushing over my awesome shirt, asking me where I got it, etc. I promise you that if you slap a Skeletor Bumper Sticker on your ride you’ll have people you don’t know constantly asking you about your sweet Skeletor bumper sticker. Just don’t do it to be ironic. Only do it because you love Skeletor. Otherwise you are not worthy of the compliments the Master will attract.
The other night I was looking for something else entirely when I came across a good deal on a Razor A4 Kick Scooter. At the time I had no desire to buy one or I probably would have. I casually mentioned it to Bride as a funny anecdote and she told me I couldn’t have a scooter because “that’s all you need with your bad knee is to fall off one of those things.”
Dammit. Now I want a scooter really bad.
Remember Madballs?
And finally tonight I present to you the coolest and most awesomely gruesome box set I’ve seen in a while. If when you were watching the show you admired The Governor’s wall of zombie heads in aquariums, you can now have your own. It’s right on the cover of the limited edition box set of The Walking Dead Season 3 Blu-Ray.
SWEET!!!
