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Wednesday Weirdness
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Scarydad News, Updates, and More…
Hello again everyone. It’s been a while since I’ve done regular posting so I figured it was time I let you all in on what’s been going on here at Castle Scarydad.
First up, the family. Spawn and Sequel are doing well, thank you. Sequel is already almost 5 months old! Time flies when you are extraordinarily busy.
Spawn’s cheap yaffa-block book shelves finally collapsed under the weight of too many books so I went ahead and built her a real one. She asked if she could pick the color so yesterday we went to yon Home Depot and she picked out a dark purple. Here’s a picture of her purple shelf in progress:
Next, I’ve been retooling the shop a bit. I only get a few minutes here and there to do extracurricular activities and lately those activities involve reading anarchistic philosophy tomes and watching Care Bears. However, when I do get a minute, I’ve been adding storage and improving access.
A week or so ago I was home sick from work and in addition to getting some much needed rest and a little bit of writing done, I also managed to see V/H/S 2.
I liked it overall. Will do a review of them both in the next few days. And finally,
If you haven’t seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier, you need to go see it. It is probably not quite as badass as the Avengers, but that’s only because there’s no Hulk in this one. It is a really, really good movie though.
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The Trucks
Years ago some friends and I were sitting around a campfire drinking beer and telling stories. A campfire stories tend to do, they drifted toward the supernatural and the macabre. When his turn came around, John said, “The story I’m about to tell is true. It happened up 36 near Brenham, before they widened it.”
“Oh, crap,” said Chris, “Is this about the trucks?”
“Yeah,” said John, “Now shut up before you ruin it.”
“This is messed up,” Chris said, “I remember when this happened.”
“So, what’s with the trucks?” I asked.
“So this buddy of mine works for the Bellville police department but lives in Brenam.” John said as he added another log to the fire. “One night he gets off duty and is driving home. He comes over the hill and has to slam his brakes. Like, he turned his car sideways to keep from hitting the back of an 18-wheeler that was stopped on the highway. No flares or anything and right over the hill in the middle of the road. So Larry pulls his car back around, calls it in, and sets his car back with the lights on to warn other drivers. The ones coming from that direction anyway.
It was a really bad accident. Two semis had crashed into each other head-on. One of the drivers was dead. They think the other one lived for a while but he was trapped in the cab and died before they could cut him out. Both cabs were crushed into each other so badly, burnt and fused together, so that they couldn’t pull them apart. What they ended up having to do was unhitch the trailers and winch both trucks onto a flatbed to get them to the junkyard.”
“Damn.” I said. “What a way to go.”
“It gets worse from there.” Chris said. “This used to give me nightmares.”
“So they got the trucks to the junkyard and everything was back to normal.” John said, “Except that after a few days, the trucks started to smell. After a couple more days, it got worse. Texas summers and all. The guys at the junkyard thought that maybe one of the drivers had had a dog or something in the sleeper. The odor finally got so bad that they decided to cut into the trucks to see what they could find.”
John stopped for a moment and stared at the fire. He lit a cigarette and slowly reached into the cooler for another beer.
“So, what did they find?”
“They found a family.” John said. “Mom, Dad, and a little boy. In a Miata; crushed between the trucks. Somehow the car got between them and when the trucks hit each other, the little car just got crushed into nothing. I mean, you can imagine the force of two semis going opposite directions at 70 miles an hour. They never knew what hit them.”
“Damn.” I said as I lit a cigarette of my own.
“Yep.” said John.
The three of us sat for a while, just staring at the fire..
Where have I been lately?
I know, I know. The projects are few and far between and the normal everyday chat sessions are getting rarer too. I promise it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s just that…
Well, first of all, I’m in the middle of writing a book. I normally wouldn’t talk about something like this at this stage in the game, but I think I owe my readers and explanation and to say that I sit down and write every night. Whether it’s here or the book, or a feature for Dumb White Husband, or a short story or a forum post or something; I’m getting it done every single night.
Where am I going with this? Well, Sequel and Spawn have been keeping me busy for sure. If ever someone tells you that it’s possible that one plus one is more than two, let me tell you that they are, in fact, correct. Two kids is a lot more than one. Not that I’m complaining, you see, because I enjoy all the smiles and the cuddles and the puzzles and all, it’s just that I only have so much time in an evening to do anything and so, unfortunately, I can’t do everything.
Well, that’s not exactly true. I am still doing everything, just not with the same frequency as I was able to accomplish before.
Just wanted to let you all know that I’m still here and I’m still doing what I do. There is, in fact, a method to my madness and that method is, “Do everything you can. As much as you can, as fast as you can, in the little time you have. Every day.”
So, that’s what I’ve been doing. If you want to see more Scarydad posts, we are always accepting submissions from writers who want to write. I would love to get a few regular contributors if anyone is interested. Hit me up if you are.
And with that, I must go heat up a bottle. Farewell for now.
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Spring is here. Or is it?
I think it is. I hope it is. I’m tired of composting expensive dead plants. And that’s what we’re talking about today: the planting season.
Last year I planted some grapes and the vines are busting out all over. I’m not sure but I think I should get some production off them this year. Homemade wine is in my future, and I’ll be sure to share the experience.
I’ve also got various berries coming up so that should be fun.
If you like to grow your own pumpkins, you should get them in the ground now!!!
I plan to plant an elderberry bush in a few weeks. Elderberry tea is what Hershel used to cure the sick in The Walking Dead. Too bad elderberries don’t cure decapitation, right? But anyway, it’s got medicinal properties and helps fight off sickness. Good stuff.
I’ve made many dishes, including Christmas dinner using herbs and spices grown in my garden. We also used Everclear to make Lavender and Rosemary tinctures. The Bride made some really cool bath bombs and scented them with the tinctures.
Gardening is badass and it gives you a chance to get your hands deep into the cool moist earth. You get to see bugs and snakes and stuff. Then you can make stuff with the things you grow. I recommend a garden or at least an herb bed to anyone and everyone. It’s very rewarding, and you never know when you might come across a skeleton or something.
The difficulties of being a horror fan with little kids living in the house…
Hello there Minions, I trust you are unwell. Tonight I have to discuss something that’s near and dear to my heart: my kids. Specifically, how much I love them and will do anything for them, including being willing to forego my beloved Walking Dead and instead endure endless hours of Curious George.
Spawn of Scarydad doesn’t handle scary stuff very well. The problem is that she wants to watch scary stuff because she knows that I love it, but I can tell that it bothers her. After the Doctor Who episode a few weeks ago, I’ve learned to keep pretty close watch over what comes out of the propaganda machine. It’s been more than a month and she STILL talks about the scary man-pig on Doctor Who and how when she grows up she can watch it but not yet.
Wednesday Weirdness
Signs that the people around you might be killers…
So you just moved to a new place. There are so many wonderful opportunities to meet new people and make new friends, right? Of course it is. But how do you know if the people that you’re quickly becoming friends with aren’t actually crazy axe murderers? There are so many strange people out there after all. Well, thankfully that’s what the internet is for. Here’s a quick and dirty guide to making sure that the people that you’re surrounding yourself with are for sure not psycho killers!
They Work as a Butler
Butlers are people too, after all. Spending the entire day cleaning up messes that aren’t yours and calling everyone “sir” or “madam” is bound to make even the most reasonable person snap. No one likes mopping, but crazy murderers like mopping up blood!
It’s also common knowledge that “the butler did it”. Be extra careful around people that enjoy wearing well fitted tuxedos and carry a towel draped over one arm. You never know, he could be draping your cold, lifeless body over that same arm in a few days. This is the only occupation that you really have to keep an eye on. This is especially true if they fit into any of these other categories.
They enjoy dark, stormy nights
Most people think that bad weather is lowers the murder rate because who really wants to be outside when it’s raining? Really the only people that are going to be out during dark and stormy nights are murderers.
Keep in mind that most of this data comes from horror movies that have some kind of dark or stormy night, which is all of them. So the next time your friend invites you to a secluded location in the woods during one of those stormy nights it’s best to come up with an excuse.
The joke about getting away with things
Everyone has joked about something that they later regret. But more often than not, these bad jokes can be a glimpse into the soul of the person telling them. If your friend often jokes around about breaking the law, stealing things or killing people, then there’s a pretty high chance that they’re going to go through with it one of these days.
They take forever to change light bulbs
When they eventually invite you to their house you’ll most likely notice that some of the lights seem a bit faulty. A good horror movie wouldn’t be complete without the lights working when they are needed the most. Your friend’s house is no excuse. If you notice that there are lights that don’t work then it’s always a good practice to just start running away as fast as you can.
I hope that you found this list helpful but more than that, I hope that no one you know is exhibiting any combination of the signs that are listed above. In the unfortunate event that someone you know is showing these signs I suggest that you sever all contact with the immediately and consider turning them into the police.
Erika Henrike spends way too much time watching, reading, and thinking about horror stories. She can’t wait until her nephews are old enough to share the experience with her.